Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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