I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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