What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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