Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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