I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
