We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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