I'm gonna have a badass scar
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize