can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
