You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I pour the whiskey from now on
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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