So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
