There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
