you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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