Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
