i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
