It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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