You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I have already put on my inside pants.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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