im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Are my feet made of real feet?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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