I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
