just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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