Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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