Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
