I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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