Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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