my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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