honey bunches of taint.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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