Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Houston, we have a squirter
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
