im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize