Even water is tasting like jack daniels
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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