so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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