Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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