she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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