Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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