dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
