you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
