I am puke
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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