im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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