The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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