I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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