When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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