Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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