dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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