Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
