im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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