I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
