pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
