i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
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Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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