You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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