All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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