She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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