i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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