If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
