It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
