God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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