Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Quick, to the slutcave!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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