Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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