would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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