It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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