he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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