I think i peed on brittanys purse
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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