I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
