It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
