This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
