just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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