Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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