Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
