we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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