What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
